Okay, ladies. Interested in knowing what it’s like to have a second kid? From labor to post maternity leave, this is what you don’t hear from the other moms. I mean, seriously… Why did no one tell us that having a second kid would be so HARD?? It’s not even double the work. It’s MORE than double the work. I am freaking exhausted.

Here’s the deal. My daughter is 25 months old; my son is 3 months old. Here’s my story of transitioning from a mom of one to a mom of two.

The Delivery
Highlights of my nearly 40-hours of labor begin with the day my doctor decided to induce me a few days early. I had so much extra fluid in my belly that it was potentially unsafe for the little one. In fact, when at my OB appointment earlier that day, the nurse said my numbers were high. I asked what my number was, to which she replied it was a 27 (but she didn’t give me a reference point—nor did I think to ask. I’m sometimes not good on my feet). Later that afternoon, Google revealed that 15-18 is normal and 20-23 is considered high. Remember, mine was a 27!!!

Anyway, off to the hospital I go (after picking up my daughter from daycare, calling the parentals to pick up said daughter, tidying up the house so I didn’t return to a disaster, and trying to enjoy a bit of peace with husband before it all began). I must admit, since we hadn’t planned to go into the hospital that day, I was even sad that I didn’t get to purposefully spend time with Toddler R while she was still my only child. It was a very emotional evening!).

While at the hospital, the aforementioned fluid caused a lot of caution, which I didn’t mind one bit. It was most important to make sure everyone was safe. The medical team didn’t want to break my water for fear of the umbilical cord coming down before baby’s head (which would have meant a C-section for this mama). Eventually, the doc accidentally broke the water sac when checking my progress… and everything worked out just fine.

In the meantime, the epidural process became an adventure as the anesthesiologist had to insert the tap twice cause she missed the “sweet spot” during the first go-round. Then once she started administering the meds, my body responded all wonky with my blood pressure bottoming out. I nearly passed out. I did vomit. It was not pretty. So the nurse gave me drugs to help with the blood pressure. Then back to the epidural, which made my blood pressure bottom out again. It was a chasing game for a while: epidural, blood pressure, epidural, blood pressure. Finally they stopped everything for six hours to let my body settle down.

Once it was time to test the epidural again, the medical staff was gun shy… so they fed it to me in very, very low amounts. A logical route to go. That resulted in not feeling my belly (which was great during contractions) and not feeling my legs. But what it DIDN’T affect? The very area you WANT it to numb… that place where this little bundle of joy will stretch that sensitive area to its limits while making his escape into the real world. When it was time to start pushing, they tried giving me a “booster” dose of meds to help numb the critical area, but it didn’t work. Never mind the details that followed. But let’s just say I’m extremely thankful that I only had to push through three contractions. That could have turned out WAY worse.

At the end of the day, we welcomed our handsome little Baby G who was as precious and healthy as precious and healthy could be.

The Hospital Stay
Shortly after delivery, my parents stopped by to meet their new (and only) grandson, bringing big sister along with them. Toddler R was vaguely interested in baby brother and very timid around mama who was still hooked up to machines. So I went from being her favorite person two days before to the last person with whom she wanted to snuggle. She eventually warmed up to the idea of cozying up to mama, but it took a while.

Beyond this, we had no visitors while at the hospital! None. Zero. Zilch. Apparently no one cares about your second kid (I joke, of course!). But honestly, it was probably the best thing that could have happened to us. It ended up being such a relaxing and restful stay (as restful as it could be in a hospital room). The hubby and I got to know our new little guy. We napped off and on throughout the day and slept as much as we could overnight. We watched movies. We talked. We attempted to recover and gear up for the days to come.

The New Routine of Home Life
Remember the days of the first go-round of maternity leave with your first kid? You nap when they napped. You watched your favorite shows on Netflix while feeding the little darling. You placed your precious baby in a bouncer in the kitchen so you two could chat or sing while you cooked dinner. Ahhh… that’s the life. (Okay, so it was a little crazier than that while in the moment, but in hindsight it was one of the most peaceful times at home—especially in comparison of what’s to come!)

This time around, however… OY!! You still have to heal from the labor and delivery process. You’ve been through the ringer physically giving birth to your new spawn, so feeling better “down there” simply takes time.

On top of that, you have to feed the baby every 2-4 hours, which means you’re not getting nearly enough sleep to function like a normal human being.

Now let’s add a rambunctious toddler to the mix. Heaven help me. I mean, I love her dearly but she is not making this transition any easier. Toddler R no longer takes multiple naps throughout the day. She sleeps from 12pm to 2pm. If you can’t get your new little bundle of joy to sleep during that same time, you get NO break… All. Freaking. Day. There’s no napping when the baby naps. Instead, you use that time to actually give the toddler some undivided attention so she doesn’t feel second-class. There’s no watching your favorite shows on Netflix while feeding either kid, cause those shows are likely not kid appropriate. (Well, mine weren’t. I love Scandal, How to Get Away With Murder, Jane the Virgin, etc.) While everyone is awake, you’re trying to entertain the toddler while still enjoying time with your infant. The struggle is real. It’s seriously a juggling act. This alone will challenge your patience and push you to the emotional breaking point—especially since you’re beyond sleep deprived.

Now if you like a tidy home, trying to fit in vacuuming or laundry or dishes into this new juggling act can be a little intense. Eventually, I just focused on one task a day, rotating those tasks throughout the week. So the house never got completely crazy. (Now that I’m back at work full-time, it’s a totally different story cause who has time for that?!)

Oh—and getting two kids out the door? That’s a LOT of work. There were days I was too tired to leave the house. But then I had to entertain both kids all day which was exhausting. There were days when I wanted to get everyone out of the house for some activity. But the effort to get everyone dressed and in the car was exhausting, not to mention making sure everyone was on their best behavior while out and about. Oy. It was a lose/lose situation at times.

And grocery shopping? With one kid, you can just set her in the appropriate seat in the grocery cart and completely fill up the basket with everything you need for the upcoming week. With two kids, you’ve lost some MAJOR grocery cart real estate. So you either have to make multiple trips to the grocery store each week, or you wait until the kids go to bed in the evenings (with hubby home, of course) and force yourself out of the house when you’re at your most tired point of the day.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m enjoying spending times with these kids, watching them learn and grow. They make me smile and flat-out belly laugh so much! Life is so much better with them here.

I hear this is the hardest stage with them at this particular age. So I’m looking forward to getting to an “easier” spot, all while not wishing their lives away. They grow up WAY too quickly and I don’t want to miss a second of it.

In fact, I shared a draft of this post with my mom who shared, “Every day is a little bit of the same, but a little bit of different as they grow…when you look back, you won’t remember any of the tired, overwhelmed stuff. You’ll remember the happy moments as well as all the smiles and the hugs!”

So there you have it. And now maternity leave is over. It’s bittersweet being back at work full-time. I love having “me time” where I get to talk to adults and drink coffee while it’s still hot. But I do miss spending so much time with my kiddos. Surely, there’s a perfect balance somewhere. Until then, this is my world. No matter how tough it is, I honestly wouldn’t trade it for the world.